Friday, July 15, 2011

The Great American Conspiracy

I vowed to dedicate this blog to writing and self-publishing.  So, today I plotted a short story and went to Walmart to do some shopping.  There!  We talked about writing and now onto the shopping conspiracy.

Egg come in three sizes: large, extra large and jumbo at prices that hover around the cost of a gallon of gasoline.  I recall when  they once came in small, medium and large. By today's standards, therefore, a small would be about the size of a pigeon's egg or possibly a quail's.

The shelves are stacked with denim jeans ranging in size from 30 to 36, with an occasional 38.  I am a 42. I admit that I should lose weight, but a quick glance around at my fellow shoppers indicates that I am in a majority when it comes to waist size. So where are my fellow shoppers buying their jeans?

Toilet paper in the Men's room comes in a metal box comparable to a metal vault for protecting valuables and is located at the most awkward place to access. The one I encountered today was two feet off the floor, required groping to find the tissue end and came out looking more a rope of toilet paper.

Ice cream containers are shrinking. No shock there. 2 quarts. 1.75 quarts. 1.5 quarts. Surprisingly the containers' width have not changed so they look the same on the freezer shelf.  The secret is they are getting narrower.  The down side is eventually if they keep shrinking, my ice cream scoop will no longer fit, but on the up side, it's easier to find space for them in my freezer without much rearranging.

Does someone somewhere think they're fooling us?


  1. your fellow shopper are buying their jeans there. That's why YOU can't find any. They run and snap them up.

    I miss Medium Eggs :(

    The women's toilet paper is no better. It is a conspiracy all the way around.

    I had not noticed the ice cream, but I bet you are right. Totino's pizzas have shrunk. Hubby and I used to live on them a few years ago and our pizza pan has a perma ring from where the edges used to be. The other day we went down memory lane and bought one. the ring and the pizza did not match up. it was at least an inch short all the way around. Yet the experts keep claiming that portion sizes are going up... where!?!?!?!

  2. I knew something was different about pizza. The amount of cheese they use is dropping too, although I'm impressed how far a teaspoon mozerella can be spread.

  3. Yes, writers will be discounted at Walmart in the near future. Just go to aisle 22 1/2 and pick up your favorite writer and take him/her home.