Thursday, July 21, 2011

COME ON GIVE ME A BREAK

I love self-checkout.  It provides me the opportunity to avoid having to become friends with a checkout clerk or risk having my bread bagged with the can goods and my dozen eggs placed under a frozen capon.  “Good morning, Miss Latisha.  I love that nose ring and your acne is clearing up nicely.”

But problems must be overcome.  The space in self-checkout is a little a larger than a TV tray table, the built in scale is sensitive and the pleasant little voice is sensitive, too.  Here is typical checkout scene with my words in caps and the little voice in italics.

Please scan your first item.
Scan 2 liter bottle of Coca-Cola. Beep! Put it in bag. Scan second bottle. Beep! Put it in the bag. Move bag to scan more stuff.

Please put the item in the bag.
IT’S IN THE BAG!

Scan more soda. Beep! Beep! Move the bag to make room for more stuff.
Please put the item in the bag.

IT’S IN THE BAG!
Scan bottle of Ragu spaghetti sauce. Beep! Put in bag.

Please remove the last item scanned.
COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.

The human assistant at the control console gives me a nod and the problem goes away.
I try to purchase two Asian pears.  This is the lookup item without a barcode function that must be entered by either typing in a four digit code or comparing it to it picture.  The pears have no code number and after going through ten pages with sixty icons each I’m stuck. So, I look to the human assistant, but she's gone helping Latisha on aisle seven.

COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wait and lean on the produce scale (not the tray table scale.)

Unknown item on the scale.
The human assistant returns and punches in the code for navel oranges at $1 each and puts them in the bag.

I scan a can of peas, a can of tomatoes and a can of tuna.  The system locks up and displays a message on the screen. Please Wait for Assistance. And yes, the human assistant is again gone, spreading goodwill on some other checkout line.
She finally returns, scans her employee ID card through the card reader and enters a sequence of numbers known only to her and the CIA.  The system returns to normal again.

I touch the checkout icon on the touch screen.
Do you have any coupons?

Tap the NO icon.
Is there anything at the bottom of your cart?

NO icon.
How do you wish to pay?

DEBIT CARD icon.
Do you wish cash back?

 NO icon.
Is $12.83 okay?

It’s fine with me, but now I’m trained to tap the NO icon.
How do you wish to pay?

COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    YES!!!! I have been there SO many times! Hence the need for so many capital letters here! I think they try to fool us with self checkout. we THINK it's faster, but sometimes I wonder is it really?

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